Heart Failure Page 8

  No business sense seemed like a correct description. If Ethan were her resident, she’d have told him to suck it up and get back to work. But she guessed her opinion wouldn’t be valued here. “That’s nice.”

  Before she could ask more questions, another customer caught the gaze of the young woman and she excused herself.

  Diana chuckled. “You said this was the first time you were here?”

  Busted. “Yeah, well…”

  “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me. You’re obviously a bad liar with a crush on this Lena.”

  Better to let Diana believe that than to explain. Apart from wanting to protect her mother, Jess couldn’t give a good reason why she was snooping. Maybe it had been a mistake to come here. Jess stared at her fingers, coated with cookie crumbs. She wiped them on her napkin, taking more time than necessary. The queasiness of her stomach made her glad she hadn’t ordered anything to eat.

  Ella pierced the uncomfortable silence with a cry, and Jess reached inside the stroller to put a steadying hand on her. “Shush, honey, everything is fine.”

  Ella didn’t believe this lie for a second and cried harder.

  With her other hand, Jess moved the stroller back and forth. The motion didn’t help either. She stood and took Ella out, holding her to her shoulder.

  “What do you need? Fresh diapers? Food?” She could provide the first without problem but had forgotten to pack formula. It wasn’t Ella’s usual feeding time anyway. Jess held her up closer to her face but smelled nothing suspicious. What else could a baby need? Attention and cuddles?

  Jess tried different positions, but no matter how she held Ella, the crying persisted. From the corner of her eye, she looked at Diana to see if she was annoyed.

  To Jess’s surprise, she grinned. “She sounds just like her mother.”

  Was that a dig at her temper? Jess stiffened but then thought about it for a second. Okay, maybe Diana had a point. Jess was known for being unafraid to voice her opinions. She had zero tolerance for stupidity, and the hospital was mainly staffed by idiots. Diana had proven to be the exception—plus she had a good sense of humor.

  Jess tried to relax, mostly for Ella’s sake. Not that it worked. “Unlike her mother, she doesn’t have a valid reason to complain right now. The day is sunny with perfect temperature, she has a cozy mobile bed to sleep in, and someone who waits on her every second of the day.”

  Diana chuckled. “Is that your definition of happiness? A bed and someone to wait on you?”

  “Hell, no.” Jess had to laugh herself. “I’m currently living at my mom’s. We are still negotiating the line between helpful support and smothering spoiling.”

  A spark of interest shone in Diana’s eyes, but Ella intervened with another bout of crying before she could ask for details.

  Jess switched Ella around again so she rested with her head on Jess’s shoulder, looking backward.

  “Hey, Ella. What are you complaining about? Didn’t get any cake?” The soothing voice came from behind her.

  Surprisingly, Ella quieted for a moment.

  Lena? Wasn’t this supposed to be her day off? Jess swiveled around. “What are you doing here, Lena?”

  She arched her eyebrows and the corner of her mouth twitched. “I work here, Jess. I could ask you the same.”

  Embarrassment mixed with anger at herself was a volatile combination. Ella’s cries started again and shortened her fuse. Jess didn’t know how to explain her visit, and she wasn’t about to defend herself. This woman had no right to judge where she was going, no right to laugh at her, no right to…

  “But I won’t.” Her shoulder-length brown curls bounced as she shook her head, and her hazel eyes twinkled with delight. “If I had the time, I would prefer to sit here and drink coffee too.”

  Lena’s smile disarmed her, and Jess didn’t know how to answer. She couldn’t insist on being called Dr. Riley if she called Lena by her first name. For the first time in ages, she didn’t feel the need to have the last word. A weird feeling. But not exactly unwelcome.

  Lena walked around to Jess’s side and addressed her daughter. “Ella, I know life is hard and unfair. Something is always wrong, and you don’t even know what or why.” She didn’t talk in the usual baby speak everyone, Jess included, tended to fall into automatically.

  For a few hiccups, Ella paused her cries, and Jess stroked her back.

  Lena started singing in a low, warm voice. Her words didn’t make any sense, like a fantasy language she had made up, almost magical.

  Jess listened, spellbound. That voice, that melody wrapped her in a cozy blanket and hugged her until her unrest dissolved into a warm pool of honey and milk.

  The moment Ella succumbed to the song’s lure, her little body softened, and she molded herself onto Jess shoulder as if she belonged there.

  And she did. A powerful wave of belonging and love ran through Jess’s veins, and she clutched Ella tighter.

  She should lay her back into the stroller so Ella could get more rest, but she was reluctant to let go, to stretch the band that connected them for even those few inches.

  Lena’s song came to an end, and Jess blinked as if waking from a dream.

  “Oh, it worked. That song was beautiful. What language was that?” Diana whispered.

  Jess appreciated her consideration in trying not to wake Ella again.

  “My grandma always sang it to me,” Lena whispered back. It was oddly intimate to hear her voice from behind, so close to Jess’s head. “It’s Croatian, but I have no idea what it’s about. She had learned it from her grandma but knew nothing else of the language.”

  Jess knew she should say something, thank Lena, but words eluded her. She bowed her head down to Ella’s, closing her eyes. The clean baby scent mixed with lotion filled her with elation. She wanted to stay like this forever but was unable to ignore her surroundings for too long.

  Diana and Lena were talking as if they had known each other for ages, smiling and nodding at each other. Being friendly seemed to be a default setting for both of them.

  Unlike Jess, who had always feared friendliness would be confused with weakness, especially as a woman in a male-dominated specialty. Since when had that spilled over in her private life? Jess’s emotions shifted in yet another direction as if she was blindfolded on a rollercoaster; the queasiness made her stomach roll.

  She quickly laid Ella in her stroller before she sensed her tension and woke up again.

  Lena glanced at her with a smile. “Do you need anything for her? I can heat formula in the kitchen.”

  Jess didn’t want to admit she hadn’t brought anything. “No, thanks. We should go home.” Oh great, now she had turned into one of those mothers who talked in plural form.

  “Sure. I’ll send my colleague over with your bill. I need to start my shift anyway.” Lena waved goodbye to Diana. “It was nice talking to you. Maybe we’ll see each other at Jess’s place someday.”

  She walked away, weaving between the tables with an elegant swing of her hips.

  Jess tore her gaze away. You can’t stand the woman, and now you’re ogling her? Just because she has a nice singing voice. You’re pathetic, Jess.

  “So that was Lena.” Diana watched her with a knowing grin.

  Jess ignored her.

  That evening, Jess pushed the stroller up the steep slope to her mom’s driveway. Okay, maybe not steep, but it felt like going up Mount Everest rather than the gentle incline it actually was.

  “Hey!” The surprised greeting was accompanied by shuffling steps.

  Jess looked up. In the semidarkness she had almost barreled into the person standing there. And not any person. Lena. Why was that woman everywhere she went? Was she stalking her? Jess dismissed the thought as fast as it popped up. That was more her guilty conscience talking. She hadn’t gotten over the fact s
he had been caught snooping at the café.

  By now, the other waitress had probably told Lena all about her questions. Heat flooded her cheeks, and she stifled a groan. Since when was she the blushing type?

  “What are you doing here?” Frustration at her body’s betrayal colored her voice rougher than intended. Even as she said the words, she regretted them. Lena lived here, for fuck’s sake, and she had to get over asking that every time they met.

  “Still living here.” Instead of snarling back, as Jess would have done, Lena spoke softly. Her tone might even convey a gentle teasing, but Jess couldn’t be sure without seeing her expression.

  Her anger deflated like an air mattress with an open valve. She wasn’t used to teasing. Apart from Kayla and Diana, who had only started recently, no one had attempted that for a long time.

  Lena bowed over the stroller, peeking inside. “And how is Ella doing? Sleeping already?” She hummed a few notes.

  The memory of the lullaby rose with unexpected force. The warmth that had flooded Jess during the song enveloped her like a bubble bath. “Fine. She’s fine. But I needed to walk her, as she had problems falling asleep tonight. That’s unusual for her. Maybe the day out was too much excitement.” Shut up! Maybe you had too much excitement too, Jess. She straightened her shoulders and took a step back. She must be even more exhausted than she’d thought. Or hormonal. “I better get her to her own bed.”

  “Sure. That’s where I’m heading too.” Lena yawned.

  “Good night.” See? Jess could be polite if she wanted to. It was sad she needed to remind herself of that fact.

  She started to push the stroller but nearly doubled over when a spasm ran through her back. “Ouch.” She let go to clutch her back but had to put a foot forward to stop the stroller from rolling down the drive. The unnatural position worsened her pain.

  “What happened?” Lena hastened around and took the handle. She engaged the foot brake. “Did you hurt yourself?”

  Jess clenched her teeth and massaged her back with both hands. It was an awkward position, but the pressure of her fingers lessened the stiffness enough that she could breathe and talk again. “Just a twinge in my back. Nothing serious.”

  Lena extended a hand. “Do you want me—?”

  “No.” Jess took a step backward. She barely knew the woman, hadn’t decided yet if she liked her, and definitely didn’t trust her to massage her back. Even with her few friends, she had never been a touchy-feely person. “It’s nothing unusual.”

  “Okay.” Lena raised her hand in a consolatory manner. “Why don’t you join me for tai chi in the morning? It’s great for back pain because it trains every core muscle. Plus, it helps to replenish your energy levels and soothe your emotions. Sometimes when I need strength or calm, I close my eyes and do the form in my mind. I had back pain too. That’s one of the reasons I started years ago.” Her voice caught at the end.

  What were the other reasons? Jess was more interested in Lena’s past than in the virtues of tai chi. And doing something mentally sounded downright weird. “Um…I don’t know.” She wasn’t good at doing anything in slow motion; she had spent most of her life in the fast lane for a reason.

  “I try to get in a session most mornings at six before work. You can join me whenever you feel like it. Can I help with the stroller? Let me push it to the house.”

  Jess might be exhausted and temporarily unfit, but she was still capable of caring for her child. “I can do that. Night.” She loosened the brake and pushed, this time more carefully, hoping her back would grant her a dignified exit.

  It did. Barely. Maybe she should find a method to loosen her back muscles. A professional massage, a real bubble bath, anything but taking lessons from Lena.

  Chapter Nine

  Jess stretched her legs out along the window seat. With a couple of extra cushions, it was almost as comfortable as in her teenage years. She pulled off her socks, glad to see they hadn’t left an indentation on her skin. The swelling was under control with the right medication, and her tiredness was improving too. During the day, she didn’t notice her heart failure anymore if she didn’t attempt to work out or carry heavy loads. Yes, much better than two weeks ago.

  She stared out at the garden. The warm evening light cast shadows from behind the house and enhanced the colors of the flowers. Her mom had outdone herself in building an oasis. No wonder Lena loved living here.

  Someone walked down the path from the driveway to the garden. Not Lena. This woman was much shorter and curvier. She rubbed both hands on the sides of her slacks, shook them out, and then rubbed them again.

  Lena met her halfway down the path. She was dressed much more informally in yoga pants and a short-sleeved wrap top in multiple shades of pink and purple. Her curls were up in a loose bun.

  The two women shook hands, and from a distance it appeared businesslike, not like a greeting between friends or lovers. They talked for a minute, and the woman’s words were accompanied by gestures with both hands. She was nervous, but why?

  After they came to some sort of agreement, Lena laid a hand on her arm and they disappeared into the garden house.

  Something didn’t add up. Was the woman a friend or one of the so-called clients? What were they doing in there? Curiosity had simmered inside Jess like a badly buried fire since she’d first heard about Lena teaching relaxation techniques. Now it flared as if stoked by a gust of wind. Relaxation? What did that even mean?

  Was this a code word for prostitution? Her stomach clenched at the thought. Jess didn’t think of herself as a prude, and she’d been involved in a few one-night stands of her own when she was younger, but she couldn’t imagine having sex for money. How could you summon desire on demand?

  She grimaced. That wasn’t the most likely scenario. Maybe they were meditating or doing tai chi or whatever. She could take a walk through the garden to see if she noticed anything. Just to be on the safe side.

  She checked that Ella was still sleeping, then tucked the baby monitor into the pocket of her sweats. It took only a moment to sneak down the stairs, slip into her shoes, and leave the house without being seen by her mom. She hastened through the garden, but instead of keeping to the main path, she detoured to the trees that grew on the backside of the garden house.

  She stepped on a branch. It broke with a snap.

  Jess froze. That had been as loud as a whip. Could they hear that in the house?

  She walked on more carefully, keeping her eyes on the ground until she was close enough to look into the back windows.

  The bedroom curtains were drawn. The bathroom had frosted glass that ensured privacy, so Lena hadn’t bothered with curtains or blinds. And why should she even suspect someone was peering inside her bathroom on private property?

  Maybe this wasn’t Jess’s brightest moment. She hung her head and was about to retreat when the light in the bathroom came on.

  Laughter and two female voices pierced the quiet. The blurred figure that entered the room was much too curvy to be Lena.

  Spying on a stranger using the bathroom wasn’t okay.

  The woman raised her arms and slipped off her shirt.

  Why was she undressing? Against her better judgment, Jess’s gaze stayed glued on the woman’s movements as she pulled down her pants.

  Acid burned in Jess’s stomach, making her sick. What did this mean? She closed her eyes to concentrate. Had her wildest speculation been accurate? Was Lena a prostitute? How dare she do this on her mom’s property! How could she trample all over her mom’s generosity?

  There might be a different explanation, but Jess couldn’t think of one. They had neither greeted like girlfriends nor lovers when they’d met on the path. No, they had seemed like strangers.

  She had to find out. It was only fair to know what was happening in her mom’s house. She tiptoed to the front. Maybe they were occupied
enough by whatever they were doing that she could peek into the window or even listen in on their conversation.

  When she reached the side of the porch, she crouched low and crept beneath the kitchen window. The light was off, and Jess risked raising her head to look inside. Nothing. Soft, flickering light shone from the other side of the main room.

  Jess crept on, past the door, to the other window. The candlelight cast irregular shadows over the wooden porch. She couldn’t hear anything.

  Could she risk another peek? She had to if she wanted to know what was happening. She raised herself in an awkward half squat she couldn’t hold for long and tried to look between the thick off-white candles on the inside windowsill. She caught a glimpse of the curvy woman in a white, fluffy dressing gown with her back to the window. More burning candles were scattered all over the room. Lena was nowhere in sight.

  “Jess?”

  Shit. Jess tried to turn around and stand up at the same time and promptly lost her balance.

  She reached for the windowsill, but her clammy hands slipped.

  With a booming thud, she fell on her ass. The wooden boards beneath her vibrated when she braced herself to regain balance.

  When she looked up, it wasn’t just Lena staring at her.

  Her mom towered over her, eyes wide and mouth open. Slowly, her expression hardened from disbelief to disgust. Something she had never, ever seen on her mom’s face before, at least not directed at her.

  Oh fuck.

  Jess’s face burned hot with embarrassment and anger at her own stupidity. How could she ever explain getting caught snooping in a window?

  She swallowed the rising bile and held her mother’s gaze. If she had learned one lesson working with highly competitive colleagues, it was that offense is the best defense.

  Lena opened and closed her mouth like a fish on the pier. Had Jess been spying through the window? What on earth had she been thinking?

  “Jessica Eleanor Riley!” Maggie hissed next to her. By the tone of her voice, she was feeling as incredulous as Lena. “What are you doing?”